Equipment: A yoga mat, a towel, a bottle of water, one sheet of aluminum foil squished into a ball, fire extinguisher (optional)
- Spread your mat on the floor and set the mood by putting on soothing music, dimming the lights and lighting a candle.
2. Remove the cat from the mat and come to the front, standing in Mountain Pose. Hold one ball of aluminum foil in the right hand. You’ll use this later.
3. Close your eyes, breathing deeply. Be aware of your surroundings and how your body feels.
4. Inhale deeply, pausing to hold your breath as you notice the faint stench of burning hair.
5. Turn around, keeping your body in alignment, and notice that your cat is holding his paw over the open candle flame.
6. Quickly put out your cat’s paw (use fire extinguisher here if curtains catch fire), blow out the candle and resume your practice, keeping your breaths shallow as the odor of burnt hair diffuses.
7. Remove the cat from the mat.
8. Step to the front, noticing your cat is now sprawled lengthwise across it, licking his slightly singed paw.
9. Forget standing on the mat.
10. Sweep the arms up as you inhale, still holding the aluminum foil in your right hand, and fall forward, stopping halfway down to avoid hitting your cat, who has materialized directly beneath you.
11. Hang down, only going as low as your cat allows.
12. Enjoy the sensation of stretch and of your cat chewing on your hair.
13. Come back up, sweeping the arms up and simultaneously tossing the aluminum foil ball across the room.
14. As the cat chases it, quickly reclaim your mat, lying down on it before your cat makes it back across the room.
15. Push up into downward dog, feeling the stretch in your shoulders and hips. Enjoy the scent of cat breath and the sensation of whiskers as your cat, once again, sits directly under your face.
16. As the cat sprawls across your mat beneath you, walk your hands and feet to the side and off the mat, enjoying the feel of the cold, hard floor beneath your hands and feet.
18. Come down onto your stomach and rest your cheek against the floor, ignoring the cat hair sticking to your cheek. Notice that your cat, though only 10 pounds, has expanded to take up your entire mat.
19. Come up into a pushup position and hold as your cat jumps onto your back. Feel the cat-body connection as his soft, suddenly heavy body collapses onto yours.
20. As your arms give out, gently collapse to the floor and turn your head to the side. Exhale, blowing a stray ball of cat fur out of your face. Enjoy the delicate slurping sounds of the cat giving itself a bath on your back.
21. When your cat is finished with his bath, gently roll over, ignoring the outraged mewling as your cat is dislodged.
22. Move the cat off the mat.
23. Roll over, relaxing the entire body and ignoring the 10-lb mass that jumps onto your chest, face inches from yours as the cat attempts to steal your soul.
24. Savor the moment until you can no longer breathe.
25. Dislodge the cat and move through the rest of the day with a sense of peace and harmony.